I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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