Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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