my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
