my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Randomize
