i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
