I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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