No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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