He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
