I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
