a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
