I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
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either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize