respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
