im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
