Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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