my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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