Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
