No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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