I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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