we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
