We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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