OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
