apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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