im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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