I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
