the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
