so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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