In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is Oprah even human
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
