Don't make out with my wife yet
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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