I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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