epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
