a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
