Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
