I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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