I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
