Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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