brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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