naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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