At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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