I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
