I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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