who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
