you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
