haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
