she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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