i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize