i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
