i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
bring money and cleavage
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
