I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's rum buckets o'clock
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
