What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Say something about gay babies.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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