Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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