take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
