but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
