He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
