i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
