Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
