He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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