if i can run in heels then i can drive
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
