i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
