he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she woke up with a sticky ear
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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