how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
