Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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